JULY 2009

Well then good people of the interweb whose lives have been a meaningless and arid wasteland of futility until my now semi-regular yet also legendary six monthly update comes around again FRET YE NOT. For 'tis here. With the regulation bells attached.

What has been going on?

Well, pre the total meltdown of the Gordon and his Government and the ongoing will it won't it swine flu saga, the big news of 2009 was of course my role in the downfall of George W. Bush. Imperilled by the global revolution gathering pace at my behest he ran away as I drove him from office on January 19th 2009 by ORGANISING A BENEFIT GIG! Oh yes. There was some talk elsewhere of elections and democratic processes being adhered to (for once) but I think we all know the truth. Obviously, no one talked of anything else for the first three weeks of the year and the media was clogged in a manner never to be seen again (until the Telegraph got hold of a disc with some MP's expenses claims on it.) Yes, it was BYE GEORGE at The Southbank Centre.

I may have mentioned it once or twice before, so apologies to anyone who's been paying attention, but seriously, it did go rather well. I've (well, internet elf Sally has, obviously) put some of the reviews up here, but here are some pictures to go with them.

Rory Bremner	Mitch Benn	Alistair Barrie
Andrew Maxwell	Clive Stafford-Smith	Rory Bremner

And here is an extract from the very complimentary (****) review we got from Kate Copstick in The Scotsman that I put here mainly to annoy Stephen K. Amos:

"Alistair Barrie – the Robert Oppenheimer behind this weapon of mass entertainment – made an impressive compere. I was sitting beside the small but hugely knowledgeable Bruce Dessau. “Is it just me or is he turning into a white Stephen K Amos ?” he whispered. They say comparisons are odious. Not this one. It is a compliment. And richly deserved..... Utterly brilliant.

This was an accomplished night. Grown up, intelligent comedy in a grown up, intelligent cause."

And as Dominic Cavendish went on to point out in The Telegraph:

"The event mingled laughter with relief and occasional stirrings of poignancy...there were no weak links in the generous line up."

So that was all very nice. The heroic and massively self-effacing Clive Stafford-Smith introduced the show and we raised over £7500 for Reprieve - click here for another link to their website. As a result I also did quite a lot of interviews for Sky and the BBC, some of which are now gathering dust on the Videos page, and a somewhat rushed and made up on the spot piece for Canadian telly offering Barack Obama advice, which I shall have to cringingly view once more before I decide whether or not it's too arse clenchingly embarassing to ever see the light of day again. Actually here's a link so you can make your own decision - http://www.cbc.ca/national/blog/special_feature/inauguration_day/letters_to_obama.html

Enormous thanks are due (again) to the lovely Alex Grace at Reprieve, everyone at the Southbank, and of course the stellar line up, listed here for the last time in full - Andrew Maxwell, Rory Bremner, Paul Sinha, Shappi Khorsandi, Dave Fulton, Kevin Eldon, Marcus Brigstocke (with a special guest appearance from Rufus Hound,) Mitch Benn and Mark Thomas. A fitting send off to ... well, a cunt, frankly. Sorry not to make that last sentence a little more witty and erudite, but truth is beauty and all that.

Incidentally. If I'm the white Stephen K. Amos, when do I get to do my solo show at the Apollo? Presumably as soon as the whole world turns into a photo negative. Steve and I have discussed the comparison and agree that I should be making more money and selling out huge theatrical barns also. Well, that's not entirely true, but this is my website. He can write what he wants on his, it'll just come across as whinging from the black Alistair Barrie.

My next delightful and (mercifully comedy free) trip was a brief visit to the States in February to check progress and visit my dear friends Brian and Susan and the small bundle of terror that is their son Tyler Paule. This truly appalling picture was taken with the fragrant Megan Smith in one of those bars in Philadelphia that feels society may collapse if the number of Stars and Stripes on show doesn't exceed treble figures at any given time. Little do they know I just toppled a President.

Then it was off to Dubai, Abu Dhabi and Doha in the estimable company of Tommy Campbell and the brightly rising star and annoyingly young Jack Whitehall. And his parents. It's bad enough to be the 'veteran' on the bill as it is, without suddenly realising you're clearly closer to the opening acts mum in age than to the act, who also keeps on appearing on telly more than you (Jack, not his mum,) but I'm fairly sanguine about these things. Especially as his mum, Hilary, was absolutely delightful, and his dad, Michael, being a former top acting agent has the best stories, usually involving phrases like "and then Rex Harrison said - What makes you think I give a fuck what you think, you CLOCKWORK CUNT!"

So, happy days. Here's a couple more photies, as Tommy took about 900 and then sent me a disc with them on so it would be rude not to:

(L to R) Campbell to Barrie with the Whitehalls, close friends and stragglers in between.	Whitehall and Barrie leaving Nobu incognito (actually it's by the changing rooms for the water park, so it looks like...ok, whatever)
The Spice Boys (we're in the Spice Souk you see, and...oh forget it)

Upon returning from The Land that Taste Forgot, it was pretty much down to the usual for a whole ten days before packing up again and heading out to Meribel for The Altitude Festival. This was more fun than laughing, although I did drink far too much, and fell over in VIP areas. Twice. Got picked up at the airport with The Dub Pistols, so very rock, and Lindy Layton, formerly of Beats International, so very lovely. Didn't tell her how much I fancied her in 1990, or that she looks even better now as that would have been creepy. Far less oleaginous to put it up on a website a couple of months later. And the band were blurry fantasticable.

The Festival is predominantly organised (has huge sums frittered away on) by Marcus Brigstocke, Andrew Maxwell and Richard Letts who owns a fantastic bar in the middle of town. Other comics out there included Omid Djalili, Ardal O'Hanlon, Andre Vincent, Milton Jones, Pierre Hollins, Mark Walker and Craig Campbell. An absolutely amazing time was had by all - personal highlights included performing at the World's Highest Gig and falling down a mountain with skis on (mostly) for the first time in nearly twenty years. I dearly hope they'll have me back next year, if only for my ablity to talk Brandon Block down from a panic attack.

A whole two days later and it was off to an undisclosed location to entertain the troops. This makes it all sound so very James Bond.

To be honest, the whole thing was very good fun, and quite humbling. There's nothing like being told by someone fresh out of Helmand Province that 'I couldn't do what you do mate...' Real pleasure to be travelling with Barry Castagnola and Sean collins, and many thanks to Georgie for looking after us.

I'm going back very soon, so will leave it at that - would not wish to jeopardise my mission. Careless talk and all that.

What else? Well - actually managed to stay mostly in this country from the end of April, with the exception of a weekend of earthly delights at the Stand in Edinburgh which is always good for both comedy and fun. Which makes it sound as though the two are mutually exclusive. They are not - loving your work as always Mr Sheppard. And I joined a casino. Which is going to seem like such a brilliant idea in the middle of the night at some point during the festival. But isn't.

May saw me compere 'Taking the Peace', a benefit for International Alert at the Bloomsbury Theatre. Quite the bill if you don't mind me saying. I was easily the least famous person on the bill (quite a feature of my recent theatre work) with the possible exception of Pete Johansson, which I may have mentioned a couple of times before I introduced him. Also on the bill was Simon Amstell, who effectively admitted to 'fancying children' but is held in such affection no one seemed to mind, Stephen Merchant, who may have been involved in one or two TV projects in recent years, and then Marcus Brigstocke and Stewart Lee both being brilliant. Was disgusted at the lack of reviewers as I was rather hoping for a new quote for my Edinburgh poster. Nonetheless, it was a pretty awesome show, even if the word awesome should be disbanded. I know you can't really disband a word but I've been doing this update for ages, have become slightly unhinged and like how it sounds.

Then on June 1 I got to play a really big theatre where no one knew who I was. Again. Orang Aid was held at the Lyceum Theatre (proper West End - we were pretending to be The Lion King and everything) in aid of the Sumatran Orangutan Society. Simon Munnery compered Nina Conti, Bollo from the Mighty Boosh, me, Tim Minchin, Jason Manford and Bill Bailey. Don't know if anyone's spotted the theme again there. Had what I though was a lovely gig, which was reviewed by Bruce Dessau, who's comments rather reflect my status on the bill. Four stars is all well and good Mr D, but what exactly am I supposed to do with "effective satirical snippets?" - book the Palladium? Carping aside, it was another fantastic night - and here's the review in full if you want to read mostly about other people, and the poster too.

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/comedy/show-23608372-details/OrangAid/showReview.do

On top of that, that fine and upstanding man Andy Hollingworth was on hand to take some photos to his usual impeccably high standards.

Here's one of me (right) looking a little bit like a monkey in front of Tim Minchin's piano - the rest I shall place on the photos page as that is what it's for.

And here we are. I'm sitting in a hotel room in Birmingham trying to avoid the swine flu epidemic that is flying (I know) around outside my window. One really large piece of news left, but just wracking my brains to see if I've left anything else out...

Oh yes. 'No Signal' the sketch show I may well have mentioned a few times previously went out on FX to what I think we can fairly call acclaim. Audience share/viewing figures/important sounding numbers increased sharply over the run, Pete Cain seemed happy when I spoke to him and I thought it was very good. I hope they're going to do another and more importantly, want me in it but we shall have to wait and see. This has not been the brightest year for commissions as the non- appearance of 'Bye George' the docummentary will attest. I'm trying to track down some video (video? You'll find it in the Ark, Alistair, next to the box marked Betamax) of the sketches I was in, and will post them on the groovy new expanded videos section should I meet with any success. In the meantime, you can see a lot of stuff here on their website. www.nosignaltv.com, which is really rather good.

Oh, and I'm still writing the sitcom with Georgia, which is coming along nicely but very bloody slowly. I'm quite busy you see. Upating this thing for one. Anyway, we've had some definite interest and positive noises and suchlike, and may well get round to finishing it after I'm done with the thing below. Here we go.

And finally. The biggie. Oh YES! B-I-G-G-Y! I know that's a different spelling but the second one sounds better when you're shouting. I am returning to the Edinburgh Festival in August with my new show 'Happiness'. It's downstairs at 7.40pm in The Tron on Hunter Square, which is genuinely one of the best rooms for stand up in Edinburgh (I've performed there many times, and seen such genii as the lovely Steve Hughes and the really rather special Doug Stanhope play there over the years) and a vast improvement on the mildewed barn I played in with 'Obviously' at the Underbelly in 2007. All part of the brilliant Five Pound Fringe brainchild of evil conniving comic mastermind JON BRILEY (have you met Jon? I really can't think of a nicer chap for whom the words 'evil conniving mastermind' are less fitting) and his SMERSH like GSOH organisation. Basically, the hook is that all shows are five pounds to get in, a brilliant and fair plan that has been far too long in coming. This has assuaged many of the Edinburgh fears and annoyances I outlined in my last update - I may not make an enormous amount of money, but neither am I likely to lose vast swathes of cash in the way I did last time either.

I'm rather looking forward to it.

Here is the poster, designed by the brilliant, woefully underappreciated and frantically overworked Sally McLean who's just moved in with her lover and all sorts, don't you know. Stop it Sally, and get on with the tasks I send you, commanded Al, masterfully.

I really need to finish this update.

Ta-daa! (I hope. Haven't seen the bloody thing yet.)

Come along. I am rather thinking that it will be brilliant. Although it's a month away and is presently about twenty minutes short. But that's what July is for. Please come to any of the previews listed on the gigs page as that would be a massive help in allowing me to ascertain what's actually funny about the rampant state of misery the world appears to be in. Other people's unhappiness - always funny, I can't lose. Though had to call it 'Happiness' instead of 'Misery' as part of a cunning getting-people-to-come-and-see-it plan I had. That and the fact people might have expected Kathy Bates to hobble me with a sledgehammer two thirds of the way through. Which might still happen.

I'm now two weeks into a pre Edinburgh sojourn on the wagon and I have not had a cigarette in that time either. And I'm just about to go to the gym with Rob Rouse (quite homoerotic you may think, but no, you are wrong. It is merely manly and my 12th consecutive day of doing fit and gym like things).

People, I am in training.

Have a wonderful summer, and I hope to see you in Edinburgh if not before. And if not during then BEYOND.......!

All the best and lots of love

Al xx

JANUARY 2009

Al's New Year Message to all of Creation* (I'm ever so 'umble...):

Hello good people and things and Happy 2009. It's already looking quite exciting and I trust you'll all have a marvellous time. And the world's in such an unfeasibly good shape at the moment that I feel little harm can come to it. Before we get into all that though, might be an idea to do a bit of a recap on 2008 because I have, as usual, totally failed to do an update for ages and I know Sally would be terribly upset if she didn't get loads of waffle to type up from her small garrett in the Southern Hemisphere.

Summer was marvellous what with my stated intention of playing lots of festivals where I wasn't going to lose my shirt (figuratively; it is fun to take your actual shirt of at festivals, or it was until this year when I discovered my washboard six pack tonerama stomach sculpture has become even more mythical, so I remained fully dressed and just wandered around in Aviators and a cowboy hat pretending to be a lost member of Alabama 3). Personal highlights were the gigs at The Big Chill which were great fun, but in no way as good as Leonard Cohen singing 'Hallelujah' on Sunday night as I wept whilst being cuddled by both a gay man and my then girlfriend. I feel certain that Simon Cowell saw this tableau and said to himself 'I'll have some of that, let's give the song to whoever wins X-Factor to butcher....' And lo, it came to pass, although not before stirling efforts by the Jeff Buckley Appreciation Society to bugger things up quite brilliantly. Meanwhile, Leonard looked down beautifically from above saying 'Excellent, well that's the pension fund sorted, I'm off to that Tower down the track to find out what happened to Hank Williams....'

There are rather a lot of references in that last paragraph that people may not get. Suffice it to say you should listen to more Leonard and be in Alabama 3.

The other Festival highlight was at Reading where I leapt on to the mike to compere Adam Hills crowdsurfing. Bit annoyed with myself for swearing quite so much, but it was one of the most fun things I've ever been involved with ever, and luckily some bright spark managed to record the whole thing and post it on Youtube so you can see it in the VIDEOS section.

October saw me back in Australia for the first time since 1999, when I went over as a terribly green and eager young thing with about 30 seconds of fairly average material to my name. Luckily this time I was able to work the connections born of slogging roung the circuit for nine years into a proper schedule. By which I mean the very lovely Bruce Griffiths gave me some numbers. Worked mostly in Sydney, including a fantastic solo show at Springwood in the Blue Mountains (thanks to Allen for the free Land Rover and wonderful hospitality,) though also played The Last Laugh and a couple of others in Melbourne. Caught up with lots of old mates including Carl Barron, Sammy J and Mickey D (and Sally), had a wondrous time, and can't wait to go back. Am clearly going to have to win something in order to be invited back for the Melbourne Festival, although, by lucky hap, that is part of my brilliant plan for world domination in the next couple of years. A sort of 'Project for the New Alistair Century,' if you will.

Stopped at Singapore on the way back for black-peppered crab (East Coast Seafood Centre - one of my favourite places/things to eat in the world anywhere ever,) and to do some shows with the superb and delightful Fiona O'Loughlin, which were really very fun indeed.

Upon returning to London, I discovered it was ridiculously cold, so shot straight off to Zurich and watched Obama get elected, which filled me, like much of the rest of the world with unreasonable amounts of hope. And champagne.

(Would like to note that at no point over the festive season has Obama turned up anywhere in a reindeer driven sled, dressed in red and white with a large beard and dispensing presents from a large sack. I think we can point to this as the first great disappointment of his Presidency.)

And then pretty much into the Christmas shows. With a quick interlude to play surprisingly fun gigs at Butlin's Skegness for The Real Weekender with Simon Bligh, Mick Ferry and both types of stripper (male and female. One of my favourite moments of the year was being given comedy advice by a male stripper. He said 'What you should do is...' and I said 'Get my cock out?' and we kind of left it at that.)

As well as the usual Jongleurs parties in December (thank you for being so well-behaved Southampton,) I also ended up going back to Stavanger in Norway to do a couple of parties for my good friend Per Vervik, which stupidly involved trekking across town afterwards following a very pretty girl (we had met, I wasn't stalking her) only to discover that we were going to her boyfriend's house for a party. No, not that kind of party. Luckily he turned out to be an entirely good bloke, if not fully worthy of her (like I was) so we all sat round and got drunk, and I missed one flight, and then came perilously close to missing a second.

My body clock is presently considering its position, but I am expecting the divorce papers any day. I would say any time soon, but we appear to be in different zones.

So. Here we are. 2009. Known in ancient mystic circles as 'The Year of the Alistair.' Well, that might be overstating the case a bit, but there's lots to look forward to. I'm writing a sitcom script with Georgia Slowe, an old friend of mine and formerly posh totty Ferdy from Emmerdale (she will be thrilled I've put it like that.) I've got a couple of other TV things bubbling along as per usual, and it now looks as though 'No Signal,' the sketch show mentioned previously, is now going out on FX (not Sky) in February. I'm also looking to take a brand new show up to Edinburgh in August, although much needs to be sorted out there - I'm starting to feel that the comedy circuit's collective anger at spending thousands simply to do their job up there is coming to some sort of a head. My last show cost me £8000. That's my post-Edinburgh debt. Not to mention all the other expenses. And it is meant to have been a success. Not sure how that will develop, but in the meantime I'm appearing at The Bloomsbury on Jan 13 with,amongst others, Sean Lock, Robin Ince and Milton Jones to perform in a benefit for the Free Fringe - an excellent (if not entirey selflessly charitable) enterprise which I think might reflect the way a lot of us hope the Fringe might be going. I don't mind working hard for not much, I do mind working my bollocks off to lose a third of the national average salary in one month.

Before that of course, we have the big bandwagon shenanigans I'm organising with Reprieve and The Southbank on Jan 19th - THE LAST DAY OF DUBYA. 'Bye George' was an idea I had some time ago, but it's amazing to see it all come to fruition. Major thanks are due to Alex Grace, Jane Beese and many others (not to mention the acts, and of course myself, from me to me, thanks me.) It should be a brilliant night - I won't put too much more about it here as there are other links all over the site, but come along if you can (not sure there are many tickets left.) And then on Jan 20th, I can survey my career and conclude that I've probably just lost about an hour and a half's worth of material. Make it worthwhile Barrack, or you'll have all kinds of apathy to deal with.

And that's about it for now. Every good thing for 2009, and I look forward to seeing you there.

Lots of love

Al xx

*and by creation, I mean the actual beginning. Not 7000 years ago. Got that Palin?

SEPTEMBER 2008

AustrAlia
Having had enough of the Northern Hemisphere and its frankly risible attempts at staging a summer, Al is off to the other side of the world to get eaten by sharks as I love a good stereotype, and am permanently scarred by a childhood screening of Jaws. Might also be gigging a bit if still in one piece.

Bye George
Drop whatever you're doing and come to the Southbank on 19th Jan 2009. Possibly the benefit gig of the century. Amazing bill, amazing venue, amazing cause. Come and be amazed at the last eight years of comic hilarity and actual tragedy that is the outgoing President, and pray (if you believe in that sort of thing) that it's a celebration rather than an exhibition of astonishment that people who believe the world is only 7000 years old are in charge (again...)

EARLIER STUFF ...

CONFESSION.

Forgive me father for it has been a long time since my last update. Don't know why I'm apologising to my dad when it's my mum who phones up to tell me what I already know, then signs my guestbook 'nun' in an hilarious reference to her inability to use predictive text.

Anyway, sorry to anyone who logged on to the site to find it unloved and derelict, I've been very busy, and anyway I'm such a technopillock that I have to outsource the update to my web designer. (You have no idea how proud I am of myself for writing the words 'outsource the update to my web designer.') Nonetheless, my profound apologies to both of you.

I did also promise a blog, but then I also promised to give up smoking so it's probably best not to believe a thing I say. Do feel free to leave me a message on the Guest Book (it's what it's for) which does keep things looking current, and I will endeavour to reply. Unless you're an irritating garbled spam message or someone trying to sell me trainers in which case I heartily recommend you fuck off.

A quick precis of events since my last update would read -

July: rehearsing Breaker Morant and working and going to Hong Kong and Macau - great but exhausting.

August: Edinburgh, great but truly exhausting. Minimum of three shows a day, maximum seven. Everything went well (see REVIEWS) although did make cardinal error of letting The Independent and Chortle into my first preview after The Longest Day - won't go into it but was shattered, no technical rehearsal, late start, was all over the place, and got my only poor reviews. On my first day. Which fucked me off quite frankly. That's why you do previews and are allowed not to let the press in Al you complete tit. But it was all upwards from there.

Sept: Cape Town. Restful. Best reviews of my career. Eat that Julian Hall (Independent) and Rosie Carnahan (Chortle.) Then Malta. Go to Gozo, find a restaurant called Chez Andre and have lobster. It makes you feel better about pretty much everything.

Oct to Right About Now: Lots of work really, including fantastic trip to Dubai with the marvellous Mick Ferry and Zoe Lyons, gigs in Switzerland with my good friend Mitch Benn, who has hopefully forgiven me for slurring drunkenly at him about what he says between songs, and just finished a delightful run of Cutting Edges at The Store which is essentially my favourite gig in the world.

FestivAl

I'll try and keep the rest of this brief as I know my friend Sally (see below and 'web designer/typist' above) now wants to kill me. This summer I will be playing some cool music Festivals with bands and chicks (I'm not allowed to touch/ogle) and cheque (to follow.) They and their websites are as follows:

Guilfest - www.guilfest.co.uk
Llangollen - www.llangollenfringe.co.uk
The Big Chill - www.bigchill.net
Norwich Red Card - www.redcardcomedyclub.com
Leeds & Reading - www.meanfiddler.com

Annoyingly a double booking means I'm no longer playing Latitude and a juggler (apparently) means I won't be playing Glastonbury, which is irritating (especially the juggler) but you can't have everything.

BeneficiAl

I'm doing a benefit at The Comedy Store on July 7 for One Child set up by Papa CJ. A fantastic bill includes Roger Monkhouse, Matt Kirshen, Phil Nichol, Mark Watson, oh just come. The link to their website is www.one-child.net.

TelevisuAl

There's allegedly a few things bubbling along at the moment, but as there always are in this incredibly secure working environment, it's probably best only to mention the one I've actually filmed. No Signal a sketch show written and directed by Pete Cain and Lou Bogue for You Me n' Him Productions should be going out on Sky 1 in late August or early September and I'm in it. Infrequently. Well, three sketches, but we shot it at Shepperton a month or two ago, it was a lot of fun and I hope the finished show is as good as the scripts were. And that I'm not shit, obviously.

And that's it for now. Am still waiting to hear on an October trip to Australia, but as bugger all is booked, there's not much to add. And I must keep it secret from Sally to avoid being garotted on landing.

Will try to keep this thing more current from now on. And give up smoking.

Oh oh oh, P.S. Also, keep Jan 19 2009 free as I'm organising a VERY special benefit show that I can't tell anyone about yet ...

Yes! A cliffhanger, I've always wanted to write one of those.

EDINBURGH FESTIVAL 2007

'Obviously' will be my first solo show at the fringe since 2004, and there are lots of new bits from the tour including an appearance from my mum. It's on at the Underbelly from 2-26 Aug at 21.55.

I've spent so much time writing blurb about it elsewhere that I can't be bothered to write anymore here. Google it for God's sake. Or just come along. It will be funny. How's that for the hard sell?
.

I'm also appearing in two plays. Firstly, 'Breaker Morant' for the Comedians Theatre Company at the Udderbelly alongside Adam Hill and Brendon Burns amongst others. It's already a Hot Ticket in The Edinburgh Evening News which is brilliant considering we haven't even started rehearsals yet. Secondly, 'Coffee' a new play by James Campbell at C venue in which I don't say anything. Which will be a relief. Mostly to those around me.

LINKS:

• www.edfringe.com
• www.underbelly.co.uk
• www.fatcatproducts.co.uk

OFF TO FOREIGN SHORES ... AGAIN

I was thinking after Edinburgh it would be nice to go away somewhere hot, so I am irritatingly pleased to say I'll be compering the main arena at the Capetown Comedy festival in September, because, in the immortal words of Roger Monkhouse, 'I don't like paying for my holidays either.' Although I would like to point out that my time on the comedy circuit has stood me in very good stead when it comes to working very hard and being on holiday at exactly the same time.

Click here for further details - www.comedyfestival.co.za

I am going to try and do a blog, mainly cos my wonderful friend Sally who does my website comes ever closer to not being my wonderful friend anymore every time I bombard her with longwinded updates. You can feel the tension from Melbourne, where she lives, so I thought I'd try and do little updates and gentle musings occasionally to save her stress. Although I am gleaning enormous amusement from the fact that she 's going to have to type up this bit about how annoying it is to type bits up for me.

No Laughing Matter at The Comedy Store

I'm doing a benefit for The Refugee Council at The Comedy Store on June 18 mainly to annoy the Daily Mail, though it's sure to feature heavily in the Express as well. Excellent bill includes Shappi Khorsandi who's a foreigner herself and only married that nice Christian Reilly in order to bring down the system from within, as well as Jeff Innocent who's from The East End and Paul Thorne who lives there, so we're bound to hear lots of stuff about 'manor's' going 'to the dogs' and I'll be a lone voice of sanity. Come along.

For further info - www.therefugeecouncil.org.co.uk

My friend Dara Herlihy took some photos of me at Maxwells Full Mooners in March which are now in my PHOTOS section (crazy, I know.) I would just like to point out that it was very late, but I was funny, no matter how...erm, relaxed I look. Whoever let me walk on stage with a champagne flute has been spoken to.

*

Am going to sit and write first entry soon when I become less scared and more confident that I'm not going to break the internet. In the meantime, feel free to leave me a message in my Guest Book.

* This is clearly not going to happen. As with the fabled era of not smoking. Anyway. I'm busy. Who wants to read my regular whines on an interwebby thing already rammed to the gunnels with waffle? My massively entertaining and semi-fictional 'Updates,' are of course an entirely different beast and are surely themselves in for some sort of Pullitzer nomination or major literary prize any time now.